Reflections on what we want

Posted: June 12, 2011 in Boy meets Girl

Hello, everyone. Today’s post is different. I have a new section of my blog called ‘Boy meets Girl’ and its all about boy/girl relationships. I really don’t know how to talk about issues like this so I had a friend of mine write something to start it off. His name is Dayo Omidiran and he’s a very special friend of mine. He knows loads of stuff when it comes to relationships. He’s the first of my guest blogger series. Without any further ado, I’ll let him take the floor.

Before I begin, let’s remember to keep in perspective that everyone has an opinion and this is mine.
So I have been around for quite a while, seen, heard and done a lot of things and I’m going to be sharing some things with you. I have seen people claim to love someone and sleep with everyone else. I’ve seen people claim to be “bad”, but when the time comes, are scared of sex because they’re virgins. I’ve heard all variations of lies….believe me; there’s nothing new anymore. But what I’ve done? You’ll get that jist eventually.
So I spent about 5 years in university (partially because I was having too much fun and partially because of ill health) and garnered a whole lot of experience not just on my actions, but those of the people around me. I’ll talk about an issue about boy-girl interactions and their goals. I’ve heard girls say stuff like “I want a nice, caring guy who will take care of me and put me first”. That is incorrect. I’ve also heard another one (although this one is rarely publicly spoken): “I want a bad guy”. That is also not correct. This one also intrigued me: “I just want to do him because he’s hot”. That is rarely correct and even less adhered to. Don’t worry; I’ll explain myself.
Every girl that has claimed to want a nice guy has ended up taking him for granted. You don’t appreciate or value what you get for free. I don’t blame anyone for that, but what I don’t agree with is the wrongful assumption that it’s her right to get that good treatment when it’s a privilege. It’s quite self-centered to forget about the guy’s feelings and his conscious choices to treat her well based on her feelings. If that’s the case, it can’t just be a nice guy a girl wants; let’s go to the next one. So some girls want a bad guy: A bastard…..a player……a heartbreaker……one who has the feature of anti-commitment. Every girl hears about that bastard, the rake who “uses and dumps” girls and is warned to avoid such guys. It’s an unspoken law of human nature that such people will become more desirable and so has it been since the fall of Adam and Eve. Even when she asked Adam after they ate the forbidden fruit if it was sweet, he replied, ‘Sweet is the Forbidden’ (Qur’an).
Truth be told, I believe that every girl has a higher opinion of herself than is realistic because they would go after such guys in the belief that they would be the ones to change that guy and make him commit to her. They pretend to feel sorry for the victims before them, but secretly look down on them and laugh. Each girl secretly believes that she’s better than the next; is that the essence of why they compete in beauty, material things and in love, meaning men. None stop to wonder why he (The player) didn’t change with the other 10, 20 girls before her. Most forget that he has to want to change in the first place. They end up being used too for the same hubris, and become the same victims they used to laugh at in secret. That means wanting a bad guy falls short of their expectations, as the excitement has worn off and he has been a really BAD guy. Lol
On to the next one: Some of them want to do a guy because he’s hot. In short, they’ve seen a walking dildo. This is a disastrous idea not because it’s particularly bad (who said girls can’t initiate a booty-call too?) but that a lady’s own nature is her worst enemy here. Most women tend to let their emotions go, and I can confidently speak from experience that I know a girl who tends to like a boy from just a kiss. Imagine those who then keep sleeping with someone. It’s in a girl’s nature to want more….. Furthermore, women are possessive and like to show-off about what they’re enjoying; this will be a problem if she’s just “doing” a hot guy as she has no rights to him. Furthermore, her bragging will also be a bane for her, as other girls will want what she has. The coup de grace will be the fact that she’ll be powerless to stop them, as she said before, “I just want to do him because he’s hot”. Fail.
What they all want is the amalgamation of all I mentioned, which is, “I want a bastard, hot and doable but also capable of being good, ergo, capable of treating me well and putting me first”. Win right? Wrong! There’s no such guy; because that’ll mean that the guy is perfect and there’s no such thing. I’d say you should try to find the best person who will be compatible with you and who you’d appreciate. Ladies take a critical look at yourselves and please remember: It’s not all about you.
I’ll talk about guys here and it’s a bit simple here. For a guy, he’s either about plain friendship, sex or a relationship. If a guy says he wants to do a girl, he just wants to. If he wants to be friends, that’s it. If he wants to date a girl, he’s serious. I will also say that guys can be very selfish and greedy. Some guys lie to get into a girl’s panties, some lead girls on and some guys just like the thrill of the chase. I know guys who can’t help themselves and still cheat, despite claiming to have the babe of his dreams. That’s just greed and selfishness.
I’ll say this in conclusion, there is no absolute in anything but God. No two people are the same, and there’s no situation or theory that applies to everyone. I do not believe in judging anyone and do not accept judgment. Also, if you find yourself taking offence at anything I said, then, it probably applies to you (lol); take some time off to do a self-analysis. I wish all of you luck in everything you do.
X
PS
Next time, I’m going to talk about complications, and I’ll also share some of my personal experiences on them.

So there it is! Leave comments about what you think down there. You should follow him here @MrOmidiran. Also, he has a great blog which you all you read. Oh and if you are interested in being one of my guest bloggers, pls leave a comment telling me so! 🙂

Until next time!!! 😀

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Comments
  1. Totally get the post. Especially the part about how girls can like to catch feelings. However, I feel guys are a bit more complex than you’re giving them credit for. A guy might start out just wanting to be friends, or just wanting to ‘get some’, but when he starts getting overprotective and jealous and all that, what would you say that is?

  2. vikki says:

    Wow! Beautiful piece..nd very true…I think I’m in love with dayo..hehe

  3. dayo says:

    Thanks. Guys can be complicated (me, for example); that’s why I said there’s no absolute. Also I think I mentioned that guys can be very greedy too lol.
    Thanks again Coco & Vikki

  4. ibetapassmynebo says:

    Cool one….he has said “some” of it….def not all….this topic is subjective obviously!

  5. I like this post. I’ll be back to state my opinion on some of the issues.

  6. I like the way you stated that this post is in your opinion. I agree with you on them too.
    #Fact.—“Each girl secretly believes that she’s better than the next.”
    That is the root of many evils. Also there is no such thing as ‘no strings attached sex’. Unless of course you are a prostitute or the sex sucked real bad. If the guy is hot enuff to wanna do him, he’ll be hot enough to wanna keep him.
    It’s complicated. I wouldn’t dare blog about relationships. I doff my hat. Nice post.

    • dokinta says:

      There definitely IS such a thing as no-strings-attached sex. The fact that you don’t believe that it is possible doesn’t make it non-existent. Why would you agree that a guy can choose to be with a girl solely for sex (since you agreed with the points in the post and didn’t exclude any), and then refuse to believe that a girl can do the same? A guy’s hotness can serve me well in bed, but will have zero purpose if I’m looking to start a relationship.

  7. TheExtrovertKid says:

    Yeah, I totally agree with Dayo’s assessment in this article especially the girls who want to “take on” a hot guy with over-confidence. Good article. Nice one, Dayo & Deola. (Y)

  8. Good stuff…a lot of wat u said bout d ladies makes a lotta sense…but like Cece said…guys can get a lil more complex than dat…

  9. dayo says:

    Once again, guys are complex, but rarely on what they want from a woman. A guy’s complexity usually rests in his behavior, outlook, perspective or attitude. When a guy doesn’t know what he wants from a girl, he probably has choices.

  10. terdoh says:

    The post deep die! When i grow up, I’ll blog about relationships…

  11. kemmiiii says:

    Nicely Written…I wish I could blog about relationships..

  12. hrh7 says:

    Nice post. And yh, i want to guest write. gimme a topic. but u’ll return the favor. Deal?

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