Cooking Classes

Posted: August 31, 2011 in Uncategorized


What you are about to read is something I wrote while I was still at home and frustrated out of my mind. My mother was giving me the whole ‘marriage’ lecture and how I was going to possibly die alone with 20 cats. This all started because ….. well read and find out. 🙂

So I don’t know how to cook.

Wait oh, before you people start debating on my bride price.

I don’t know how to cook African foods

Wait again before you start counting kobo instead of naira.

I don’t know how to cook some African foods.

Before you all begin to shake your heads and comment about how I will never get married, listen to me. I have solid reasons why I am like this.

I lived in a foreign country for most of my life. Yes, you have heard this excuse before and in fact you people are yimuing me. But listen first then judge.

My father was a top dog in the Islamic Development Bank in Saudi Arabia. My mother was a house wife. She wasn’t doing a lot of cooking sef. We had a maid, cook and driver. I was never allowed to really enter the kitchen unless I wanted water or I went there myself. I was a pampered spoilt child.

This is not my main excuse reason. You see, my mother never called me into the kitchen and said ‘Come and help me cook this efo.’ Or said ‘See how I make amala.’ My mother wasn’t even cooking sef. She was sitting down and sending the cook and the maid around.

So I spent 12 years living this life. I moved to Nigeria when I was in JS2 and I was living in Okota with my mom and bro with 3 other people. Let me say that all 6 of use were living in a 2 bedroom apartment.

Life was hard. I shared my room with two other aunties that I can’t remember. At this point, you would have expected my aunties to tease me and start forcing me to the kitchen. It wasn’t like that at all. My mother was superstitious and scared that they would poison me. She therefore cooked all my food and made sure I ate different meals from my aunties.

I was used to eating very fatty and fried food in Saudi Arabia. My mother wanted to make me feel like I was back at home so she bought potatoes to make chips, minced beef to make beef patties and the rest.  She tried her best to make me and my bro feel like we were back in Saudi but it def wasn’t the same.

We moved to Dolphin Estate when I was 16. My life here was similar to my life in Saudi. Maid only sha. She mostly cooked and all for us.

Now back to the main point.

My life looks like something out of a storybook right? I was pampered and spoilt throughout my life. But I loved food so I learnt how to cook.

Chicken and turkey are my favorite things to manipulate and cook. I can de-fat and cut a chicken in 15 mins. I can also make them into serious stew and soups. Have you tasted my custom made ‘red sauce chicken’? Or my honey and orange turkey? Is it traditional chicken stew you want?  I will make! You haven’t lived life until you have tasted my chicken soup. Great for colds.

Fish is a small problem because for me and my brother stayed away from fish for 16 years. We are both allergic. But I can make fresh fish stew for you if you want.

Is it rice you want? Fried o, jollof o, concoction rice sef. Sweet and spicy rice is one of my fav meals to make for my family. In fact, my mother once called me when I was in Yola to give her the recipe of my red sauce chicken and sweet and spicy rice to entertain some guests. My father actually called me to thank me!

Efo, egusi, ewedu are some of my favorite stews to make. I love efo with a passion and mine is laced with beef, shaki, eru and such. And you say I won’t get married?

I am good with pasta. Macaroni and spaghetti are my usual things but I can use any kind of pasta to make what you want. Sweet? Spicy? Vegetables? Infused with chicken and vegetables? Come over and let’s eat!

Now my wahala comes with swallow. I can make eba and semovita. That’s where it ends. I really don’t eat swallow so I didn’t bother trying to learn.  I hate amala. I love pounded yam but I actually can’t pound. I can make poundo yam tho. That’s where my list ends. 😦

So ya, how’s my bride price looking now? 😀

Note – Everything in this post is true. I can actually cook all that I wrote up there. If you come looking for me in Lagos or Yola asking me yo cook for you tho, you are on a long thing!

Friday, I shall be releasing more information about ‘the writer’s roundabout’ and also the final list of writers!

  1. @TheRealAdonye says:

    *now thinking* I could really use some Chicken soup.. *licks lips*

  2. Genesis says:

    Lmao! I found this Post Hilarious! Estimated Brideprice —-▶ $5 😀

  3. I’m hungry 😐

    And you didn’t talk about your ability to make sexy spaghetti with a rice cooker. 😉

  4. Kelvin says:

    So because they said Boko Haram has infested beans, you didn’t list it here abi?
    Hmmm…anyway with all this ability, all I can say is I know a lucky guy.
    Big ups dee!

  5. Can u make filet-mignon & pork chops? I totally enjoyed reading this girl!
    P.S I want some of that red chicken thingy and I’m serous. 😐

  6. terdoh says:

    I have a cold. Dee. I have a cold na.

  7. Phoenix says:

    Errrr…….. So where’s the problem here? :s

  8. taiofierce says:

    Hello Deola darling, considering how you can make all these, next time I’m in yola please would you spoil me? 😀 hehehe! *i asked politely and nicely*
    Since I can’t debate bride price I know not the estimate bet it seems high! Hehehe!

  9. ibetapassmynebo says:

    just take a look at all dem hungry people up in ya here…i hav a cold too 😦

  10. @bule_jr says:

    A post on food? Diffferent.
    Could have done away with some of the earlier tori but nice. (Y)

  11. spikkleswikkles says:

    hhahahaha…got really hungry reading tru d how i wish..i cud be confident doin almost half of dis dishes..buh mbanu(ibo)..o welll u sure have a heavy brideprice..except if ur hubby(husband) in love with beans and soup(African)..o well..if paved your way to a big fat still hungry still..arrgghh…
    p.s info on when ur makin any ov dis dishes in school sha…#okdatsall.llool!

  12. naijaninja101 says:

    Allergic to fish? Well that’s a first. I see how u r using style to advertise yourself….issorai!
    At least u tried to learn to cook the basic stuff. U can always practice pounded yam 😐 (Pounded yam and Ogbono soup is the truth, walahi!).
    Your bride price sha…

  13. 0laToxic says:

    Plus you’re a great voltron too. Please o, where do we apply?…

  14. Ngufy says:

    Now…. The red sauce chinken recipe i really want! How much do I have to beg? 😉

  15. Ngufy says:

    Now…. The red sauce chicken recipe i really want! How much do I have to beg? 😉

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