CUT!!!

Posted: September 26, 2011 in The Writer's Roundabout

Hey everyone!

Welcome to the last week of The Writer’s Roundabout! So glad you could make it and stay on with all the crazy shit that has been going on! I really appreciate all the love and support you guys have given me and the writers! Thank you so much!

Here is the part where I say stuff about carrying last and ish, but I will put you out of your misery and just post the link to the other posts. Your welcome.

Now we have my special guest writer, @JibolaL …….

***************************************************************************************

CUT!!!!!

“I said CUT!!! What the hell is this? Are we making Scary Movie here?” The screams were coming from a short man, who looked like he was kin to Osita Iheme and Chinedu Ikedieze – Aki and Pawpaw. The voice boomed across the warehouse turned movie studio somewhere in the Apapa area of Lagos. It seemed unlikely that such a well bodied voice could be coming from someone so small. But it was, with his booming voice, his other features were stark. His shiny ebony skin would make Wande Coal blush, and his shiny suit would blind a welder with a face guard on.

“When I told Quentin Tarantino I wanted a Nigerian Pulp Fiction, I didn’t ask for this mess! What the hell is this?!  I say what the actual fuck is this?? Arrggghhh Where is this damned Tarantino ma sef?!”

All the workers would have stared at him in wonder if they were seeing this spectacle for the first time. He’s the Producer of the soon-to-be groundbreaking film. The film was still in its shooting stages but the media was abuzz for the first film of Nigerian production that would be directed by a world class director as the legendary Tarantino himself. Chief Obinna Odimegwu was the visionary private investor who had facilitated the epoch making move.

The Director of Photography had whipped out his BlackBerry a while ago and was smiling at some inane message, the gaffer boys held the cables allotted to them and looked on avoiding gazing at the potbellied Producer of the film.

“I said where is Quentin Tarantino and nobody can answer me? You over there! You’re fired! And get the fuck off my set!”

“You can’t fire me sir!”

“Are you MAD??”

“I’m your driver sir, and you can’t drive so if I leave here, you can’t get off this set.”

Chief looked stumped for like two seconds. And then he brightened up with an idea. “You there! Next to him! Can you drive” before even waiting for an answer. “You’re my new driver. That fool, fuck off my set. Now find somebody find me Tarantino!

And I need a new Scriptwriter! I don’t want any deformed amala in my movie. I have spent too much already! And somebody clear this mess of Amala on the floor!”

……..

Quentin who had previously been sampling the delights that Lagos girls had to offer a soft spoken American director, while Chief was ranting on set, remodeled the script with the new writer guy. And they were about to get shooting with the story again.

Camera? Quentin boomed over the Megaphone

Lights! Action!

Serves him right.

She turned back to the man still crouched in front of her. He appeared not to have flinched. “So. What do you guys have planned for me?

“We’re taking you home, Telula.”

Jade blinked. “Home? Really?” She was wary about getting excited “But wait oh! My name is Jade.”. A foul stench filled the air, and she scrunched up her nose. “What the fuck…”

R looked away shyly, “I am so sorry, love. It’s just that B here made us eat Whitehouse Amala before we came here, and it gives me terrible gas”

“Oh God…” Jade gasped, the stench of his fart was like nothing she had smelt before.

B spoke up, “I am really sorry about R’s indiscretion. However, we have some work to do here. You see, we came here to take you home, eliminating Gayson Gayrulo here was an added bonus.”

“You got that right!” R chimed in as he let another one rip.

“Jesu!” Jade screamed as she tried to get up.

Both R and B trained their guns on Jade, and she finally understood what they meant by going home. She closed her eyes and resigned to it. Coming into close grip with death so many times in the last few hours would render you fearless. A sense of calm came over her as she remembered the passion and then the morbid fear of being impaled to death that was the precursor of the whole affair. This whole affair that had her scarred mentally and bloodied. Strangely, the pleasure that Sadiq Istubefi-Ed had given came back to her, and considering the situation, she found herself getting aroused.

Wait.

She should have died. What was she doing getting wet.

She opened her eyes and saw Sadiq. He was standing a few feet away over the bodies of R and B. B stirred and he point the silenced pistol in his hand and shot at the dying body 3 more times, and then a 4th and 5th time for good measure.

Sadiq!!!!” She didn’t even consider at that moment that his head had been blown to bits as he was over her. She also didn’t consider that his hair was shorter, and he was more rugged looking with a scar across his left cheek. She didn’t care. She was wet. Dripping wet. Her eyes roved over his crotch area.

And then he raised his gun, the laser red dot of the target finder came to level with her forehead.

The gushing river between her thighs froze midstream.

*******************************************************************************************

This is all too deep! What the fuck is gonna happen now???

The calabash has spoken and it has said that the ‘last virgin on twitter’ shall continue the saga of Jade!

So come back here Wednesday at 9:30 to see what @Olatoxic has in store for us! Which leaves @FreshPrinzVick as the last and final writer. The end rests solely on his neck!

Decades is still on! Today is the last day and it has been an awesome experience! Yours truly was featured on it too! Check out Afrosays  today by 10 to read the last and final decade by @UberBetty.

Have a great day! :*

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Comments
  1. @Jacy_luff says:

    😀
    Lemme ga’an read d post

  2. Dharmie_O says:

    Okaaaaaay.. Nice to know the whole scary ish was just a movie.

  3. 0latoxic says:

    Oh, I see Vick is carrying last as usual. Is this, perchance, the opportunity I’ve been looking for to melzz the VickLemonPlus up? *evil grin*

    But Jibzz, na wa o. Why you go bring Sadiq back nah? Why evils, ehn? *Le Sigh*

  4. afrosays says:

    Gayson Gayrulo?
    LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

  5. ThinkTank says:

    Jibola! So we’re making a Tarantino Nollywood film? Ok. Let me finish laughing. I’ll be back with a a sensible comment.

  6. taiofierce says:

    LOL!!!!! Thank God no aliens in the continuation, I didnt like that direction at all.

  7. Ha!! U brought sadiq back….
    ~(‘,’~) (~’,’)~ \(‘-‘\) (/’-‘)/ \(‘-‘\) (/’-‘)/ …┏(^_^)┘└(^_^ )┓└(^_^)┘┏(^_^)┓
    … I miss that nigga. ^_^

  8. LOL! I don’t have anything sensible to say.

    Carry on.

    NB: Jobz, you’ve been missed on my TL 😦

  9. kennibal says:

    So the whole thing was a movie, nice

  10. ibetapassmynebo says:

    Nice. . .
    Can’t wait to see hw my broDa wud do. .

  11. georgeenah says:

    SSMH…It’ll take a planet of water to cure you guys hahahahahaha!

  12. terdoh says:

    In my opinion, this was arguably the best version of the entire series. The way he brought it down to earth…literally…is just… wow! You killed it Jibz. Thanks for bringing Sadiq back.

    I’m guessing he was involved in some psychedelic surgery and converted to a robot, so he doesn’t know what he’s doing. But still possesses…

    *drumroll*

    Da Dick…

    *walks away chuckling* Gayson Gayrulo tho.

  13. Kemmiiii says:

    Lolol. Nice one. You just had to bring Sadiq back. Really Nice.

  14. leonmacedon says:

    My favourite episode of the series so far, brought it back, down to earth. not the science fiction gone bad it was turning out to be

  15. OOkpoechi says:

    Gayson Gayrulo. Hahahahahaha

  16. Ngufy says:

    *phew* back to reality! Was getting bored with the whole ish.
    Yayyy. My fav character Sirdick is back!

  17. SlevinCalevra says:

    Sir dick is back! It’ll be interesting to see how the toxic one explains that. @Jibolal just took this story to a whole ‘nother level. I trust toxic anyway. Only downside now is that not only is hip hop dead, ‘R’& ‘B’ are too. These people must belong to the KKK.
    Plus, can someone please kill that Jade ho’ already?! Abi she be cat? Toxic end it, end her life.
    This is a real cool story.

  18. @Frankices says:

    Ummm…a movie?? Dunno wat I expected, but its a bit disappointing. But Yay! Sadick is back. 🙂

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